A year ago, I thought I would be on a mission by now. I’m obviously not and I’ve gotta say I’m kinda grateful for that. I was nowhere near ready when I wanted to leave and everybody kept telling me that I would never be ready which isn’t exactly comforting.
Let’s rewind a bit. I started the year with every hope that I would be in the mission field by summertime. I had no expectations that I would go through the trials that I did, but I sure am grateful that I did. I thought I struggled with my mental health last year, but this year only proved worse. This isn’t some pity party of me saying “Hey, my brain sucks sometimes and makes me cry over dumb things. Feel bad for me.” It’s an awareness thing of me saying “Hey, my brain gets confused and sometimes I cry over dumb things and that’s okay. You’re not alone in your bad days. I get it.”
I cried more times this year than I ever thought I could. I once cried for an hour because of some unexpected thing that came up which turned out to be not a big deal. I cried 11 times in one week. I cried a lot over my residents that passed away. I cried over a lot over car troubles. I cried over boys. I cried over work and how emotionally taxing it can be somedays. I cried over how stuck I felt in life. I cried over slow progression. I cried during movies. I cried because I was so grateful for all the support I have in my life. I cried because I really felt my Saviors love. I cried because I am human.
I took a few trips with one of my best friends and saw a lot of cool things. I traveled to Florida again learned the importance of cellphones, but also the importance of family. I started teaching sunbeams. Went on some really bad dates. I went to the temple a lot this year. I learned the importance of patience. I learned how easy it is to get upset when someone doesn’t understand what I mean when I say I’ve waited a fat minute for my mission call. I learned even more how dumb some boys can be. It’s not personal, boys, but please remember that girls have feelings and aren’t just objects. I learned a few more songs on the piano. I learned that you can still love people and be nice to them, but you can also not put up with them if they’re toxic. It’s okay to let people go. I learned how important it is to validate your feelings and to not ignore them or put them off.
This year was trying in a lot of ways, but for the first time in my life, I learned how to be grateful for the trials and to learn from them. I’d like to say I’ve grown a lot from the beginning of this year compared to now. I’ve finally got it together. I wear my retainer every night again. I make my bed every morning. I brush my teeth twice a day and floss every night. I pretty much only drink water now. My room is clean and a lot more organized than before. I’m still late to work every morning, but I’m working on that. This isn’t me saying “I’m sure you have had a bad year, but look at me doing so good.” This is me saying “I was kind of a train wreck before and didn’t know how to handle my emotions, but I’m doing a lot better now. It takes time and that’s okay.”
Something I struggled a lot with this year was the fact that everybody seemed to be progressing except for me. People would ask for updates and it seemed that I was in the same place as before. Just hanging out. It is okay to go your own pace. It is okay to have bad days. It is okay to cry. It is okay to be frustrated with where you are at in your life. It is okay to feel confused with what you should be doing. You are not alone. Mental health is so important and it is okay to say “I’m having some kind of day today.” It can be a good day or a bad day or even just a day because days like that happen. You’re doing great. Don’t forget to drink lots of water and tell yourself at least one thing you love about yourself today even if it’s the fact that you got out of bed.
Merry Christmas everybody. I hope it’s a beautiful day for all you beautiful people.
Claire's blog 